Over the course of the past year or so, I’ve watched my baby boy evolve into a young man. Every now and then he’ll say or do something that is far beyond his five years. The last two weeks in particular have been full of these verbal gems. So, of course, I must share.
When my sister was in town visiting two weekends ago, Tank and I went out for a date night. He and I had been looking for an excuse to go to Ichiban’s Japanese Steakhouse for the overpriced “tepanyaki showcase of culinary skills!” At least, that’s what the commercial touted. Besides, what five year old boy can resist the alluring temptation of actually lighting food on fire and then flipping knives and hot spatula’s in the air? And what mother can resist the lure of actually getting to eat a warm meal because said five year old is completely entertained? It’s a win/win for everyone.
I was delighted when we were seated at a table with a family who had twins the same age as Tank. The look of relief on the mom and dad’s face mirrored mine – Awesome! The kids will keep each other company! I was never more happy to be sitting at a small table loaded up with children.
Then Tank started talking. He’s a lot like Lee Iacoca… when Tank talks, everyone listens.
Let me set the scene. His hair is brushed and gelled perfectly… he’s wearing a blue Oxford shirt, khaki dress pants, a handsome navy blue clip-on tie and a new brown belt and shoes. Tank asked me to wear a dress and so I threw on my black wrap dress, black hose and heels. We sat in the middle of the U-shaped table with the twins to our right and a much older group to our left who was clearly exasperated that they were sitting at a kid table.
Being the king of random facts is a claim to fame which Tank seems to hold to tightly. I have no idea why, whenever we meet new people, Tank opens with some completely unrelated story about our family. This time, the first sentence out of his mouth was this…
We have a fat orange cat named Henry and he poops and pees in the house. And he “frows” up on the steps too.
And really, who doesn’t want to know the details of that right before they’re about to eat?
I just shot the other mom a sheepish smile and she sent back the “Yeah, I’ve been there” sympathy look. Having mercy on my soul, she switched the subject and asked if Tank is my only child. “No,” I replied. “I’ve got a five month old at home. A little girl.” Twins mom then asked if we are planning to have any more kids (because, you know, Tank already broke the ice with the cat factoid, so now we are old friends). Without skipping a beat or taking a breath, Tank shared yet another nugget o’ personal info with the entire table – and pretty much half of the restaurant.
My mommy doesn’t want any more kids. That’s why she wears the patch.
You could’ve heard a pin drop.
Seriously? Did he seriously just say that? I’ve never wanted so badly to return to discussing the cat’s stomach issues than I did at that moment. How did Tank know about my birth control patch? Oooooohhhhhhhhh. Oh boy. The pharmacy. He had gone to the pharmacy with me to pick up my prescription and must’ve overheard the consultation with the pharmacist.
Dinner hadn’t been served yet, so I spent the rest of the evening red-faced and ready to leave at the earliest opportunity. Dinner lasted a painful two hours.
When we got in the car to head home, I was prepared for a lengthy discussion on what is and is not appropriate to share with other people. Before I could start the lecture, Tank sleepily said, “Thank you, Mom, for taking me there tonight. I had a nice time with you.”
I’m sure there will be plenty of other opportunities to correct that habit. At that point, I just let him drift off to dreamland with happy thoughts from our date night.
That made me laugh out loud (even though I already knew the story!). Out of the mouths of babes…