I absolutely hate Monday mornings. No matter how much pre-planning I do the night before, Monday is a guaranteed sweat-inducing Olympic event. I think God sits up in heaven and laughs at people as they try fourteen times to get out the door to go to work. Yup, Monday morning is God’s comic relief.
This was my Monday morning…
After the normal rush to get the kids out the door, I loaded up the car in three trips with a diaper bag, backpack, lunchbox, & purse. Oh, and children. I did put the children in the car. (Kids hereafter referred to as Tank & Cricket.)
After sitting down to start the engine, I noticed my laptop sitting on the passengers seat. I took my laptop back in the house since I didn’t need it at work today.
While inside the house, I realized my stomach might eat itself if I don’t grab a few Golden Grahams for the road. One kiddie cup of dry cereal. Back out to the car.
Kids are buckled in and happy as we back out of the driveway and I start to drive through the neighborhood. We’re now 15 minutes behind schedule.
Suddenly, my son yells (like I’m about to run over a puppy), “I FORGOT MY PICTURE OF HENRY!” Being the sucker for my kids that I am, I turn the car around and tell my son, “Ok. No worries.” (However, my brain is going off like a crazy woman… THAT is why I asked you on FRIDAY evening if you had any HOMEWORK!) I raced inside to find a picture of our ridiculously large cat for some kindergarten project my son would be working on today. As I’m racing up the stairs – taking two at a time – I realize we have no printed pictures of our cat. I’m too cheap to officially make Henry-the-cat “Kodak-worthy.” I come back downstairs and go out to the car to tell Tank that I have no pictures of Henry.
Mass hysteria ensues. My son cried like I took away his birthday. Meanwhile, the four month old baby – who I know is on the verge of hunger meltdown herself – is just looking at Tank like, “Man. He’s lost it. I think I’ll just sit here and watch the show.”
The kids, Tank & Cricket... in happier times...
Thinking quickly, I run back inside and grab some paper and markers. I go back out to the car, hand Tank the paper and markers and tell him to draw a picture of our cat. Apparently, at that point, I took away his birthday AND Christmas. He’s hysterical, I’m out of patience and options, and the baby’s stone-still just watching and learning. She’s a smart one, that baby.
I’m driving away and my son continues his tantrum. Part of me can’t really blame him for being so upset. In addition to being a little overly competitive, he’s a total people pleaser and doesn’t want to disappoint his new kindergarten teacher so early in the school year. But, the other part of me (the part that’s really into reverse psychology) decides, at the first stop sign, to take away his paper and markers since he refuses to draw a picture of our stupid, obese cat. (Sorry, genetically challenged cat. I was angry. You didn’t deserve that.)
My reverse psychology works and, before long, he’s begging me to let him draw. As we pull into the school parking lot, he puts the finishing touches on the way over-bloated, really orange cat that’s apparently walking on stiletto claws. When we get into his classroom, he proudly hands it to his teacher. I’m feeling pretty proud too for improvising on the fly.
Said teacher then says, “Oh Tank. What a good memory you have.” She then whispers an aside to me that he didn’t need to bring a picture today but that he can put it up on the board she plans on turning into a “My Pet” board.
Seriously?
God… I hope you laughed your sandals off today.
(Today my sister wrote a blog about how she almost poisoned me as a child. For a good laugh, go check out that post and my response.)
Oh my. You had me at “like I took away his birthday”. Thanks for the howler. And welcome to blogland little sis!
This sounds a bit …a LOT… like my Tuesday morning. If it isn’t one thing, it’s something else!
Ha! Too funny. Thanks for the comic relief – I am pretty sure we’ve all been there at one time or another
kendra! this is exactly why i don’t have children … you see, after three tries to get myself out the door, i am the one who ends up in stony, shocked silence at my own lack of preparedness … or in tears over this, that or or the other. i really admire moms. they have to handle themselves AND other little lives! i loved this, thanks for sharing!
Oooh – you used my name suggestions. I’m honored.
WOW!! I have had way too many mornings like this! I am amzed that you didn’t just give up and crawl in bed! (I have tried this tecnique but failed miserably every time!) I would like to comment on your “fat comments” toward your cat, from one pet owner to another have you considered coining the term “Big Boned?” or perhaps “Macy Woman?” these are terms that I have coined for my “full figured Corgi dog!” Just remember that parenting is a Journey, not a destination, but throughout that journey there are many, many, many, bad mornings where God is laughing at you!